On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
