Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
