I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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