I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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