i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's rum buckets o'clock
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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