My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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