She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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