you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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