someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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