i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
