areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize
