Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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