no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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