You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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