paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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