I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
