life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
