put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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