i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
