i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
