It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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