He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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