That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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