And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
