Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
