Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
