Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
