she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
