Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
