dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
