Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
