A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
