I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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