Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
