you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
