I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
