I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
