I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
