My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
