dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
