She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
