My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He shit in the fireplace
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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