I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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