its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
