The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
