Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
