I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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