I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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