You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
