Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
